Category Archives: Uncategorized

ULTIMATE REVIEWS: TESS OF THE D’URBERVILLES

de1d66be44abe54ca0401661b7d684f5


“This hobble of being alive is rather serious, don’t you think so?”
― Thomas Hardy, Tess of the D’Urbervilles

A line that rather encapsulates the novel, the hobble of being alive is extremely serious for the eponymous heroine Tess D’Urberville. Whilst I would highly recommend reading the book, there is also a fairly good BBC adaptation starring Gemma Arterton, a very young and handsome Eddie Redmayne, and a convincing Hans Matherson as villainous cad Alec D’Urberville.

I have always proclaimed that I detest ‘depressing, grey’ books. They leave me somewhat disheartened about the state of both characters from the novel and the world in which we live in. Yet something about Tess of the D’Urbervilles managed to reject this theory, cementing its place as one of my favourite books. This book review/ analysis strives to explain why this book is so highly recommended by scholars and is considered one of the great classics.

Book Overview:

Beginning in the idyllic countryside of England, the simple country life seems both sweet and dull for the Durbeyfield family, who live a modest life. The discovery that their lineage is derived from the noble D’Urbervilles elates them. Tess is sent off to meet other representatives of their family, and it is here that she meets Alec D’Urberville.

The infamous meeting of Tess and Alec is the beginning of a relationship that would spark debates between readers for years. From the offset, Alec is… dubious. He is more flirtatious than a man should’ve been in the nineteenth century, taking an unhealthy obsession in Tess and her figure. His eyes linger, his hands wander where they shouldn’t, and his actions heavily foreshadow what’s to come later on in the book.

Tess, however is innocent (particularly to the ways of men) and very beautiful, which proves a deadly combination. The other women are jealous of her and bully her. One night, they start to gang up and fight Tess. Alec comes to help her, giving her a ride on his horse. Yet instead of being a gallant hero, he deliberately gets lost in the forest called ‘The Chase’ in order to spend more time with Tess. Eventually, they stop, and Tess falls asleep in the forest while Alec goes to look for help. When he returns, they have sex.

As aforementioned, Hardy sparked one of the greatest debates amongst authors, readers and scholars with a single sex scene- a sex scene, mind you, that is so heavily vague and chaste that you might not even realise what is going on when you read it.
Herein lies the debate; whether they had consensual sex, or whether Tess was raped.

Below is the passage (which has been edited by myself to only include the sections important to this discussion).

“He could see absolutely nothing but a pale nebulousness at his feet, which represented the white muslin figure he had left upon the dead leaves. D’Urberville stooped; and heard a gentle regular breathing. He knelt and bent lower, till her breath warmed his face, and in a moment his cheek was in contact with hers. She was sleeping soundly, and upon her eyelashes there lingered tears.
Darkness and silence ruled everywhere around. But, might some say, where was Tess’s guardian angel? Why it was that upon this beautiful feminine tissue, sensitive as gossamer, and practically blank as snow as yet, there should have been traced such a coarse pattern as it was doomed to receive. As Tess’s own people down in those retreats are never tired of saying among each other in their fatalistic way: “It was to be.” There lay the pity of it.”

Thus ends phase the first (the Maiden) and begins the second phase (Maiden no more) a title which not-so-subtly indicates what the ambiguous scene was actually all about.

Not quite a steamy sex scene, I know. But written in 1891 it was a subject risqué enough as is, and Hardy’s ponderings on religion, fate, and destiny are far more fulfilling than a sex scene, right? Maybe.

I have firmly and always been on one side of the great debate: Tess was most certainly raped. Throughout the book, Alec constantly makes advances, trying to kiss Tess, feed her, touch her, to which she constantly refuses him and pushes him away. She shows no affection or sexual advances towards him, and spurns his. I’m not quite sure what person in this generation thinks having sex with an unconscious woman isn’t rape, but yet there are debates that the sex was consensual. If you have read the book, or read it after this review, please let me know below what side of the great debate you are on.

After the ‘sex scene’, Tess leaves the farm and returns home, discovering she is pregnant. Unfortunately, her child, which Tess names Sorrow, dies. Tess cannot give the child a Christian burial because the child is born out of wedlock. Instead, Sorrow is buried in a little shabby bit of ground with drunkards and beggars, and Tess is left even more of a broken woman.

My great love for Hardy began with this novel when I read the protestations he makes against the vilification of women- especially fallen women, (a term which here means women who have had premarital sex or children out of wedlock.) Tess is shunned by all, even her own family, when her secret is discovered. The fact she had been raped and did not consent is of no matter to her judgmental peers, all that matters is that she has been ‘dirtied’ and ‘tainted’ by Alec, and has fallen from grace. Tess yet again leaves home and goes to work on another farm, where she befriends a couple of women, and meets Angel Clare.

Angel Clare is the son of a reverend, yet despite his father’s wishes of going into a similar career, decides to work on a farm. He is educated, kind-hearted, and loved by all. The three women that work on the farm with Tess are all madly in love with him, yet he falls in love with Tess.
Like all great love stories, theirs is a tragic one.
Tess and Angel fall madly in love, and Angel begins to persuade Tess to marry him- but she refuses, terrified of him finding out about her sordid past. After Angel’s constant pursuing of her, Tess agrees to marry him. Tormented by her secret past, Tess writes a letter, explaining everything, and slips it under Angels door.
One thing we should know by now in literature, is that letters are not reliable. Remember the letter Juliet writes to Romeo, explaining everything, but it gets misplaced and ends up being the cause of both their deaths? Exactly- letters are not reliable.

The letter slides under the carpet,  not received by Angel. They get married. Tess is finally happy, and so are we. Yet this happiness is not to last long as on their wedding night, instead of doing the thing which they were supposed to do *cough, cough, wink, wink*, they instead have a long chat.

Angel tells her that he has a dark secret- he has had sex before with a woman in London. Tess forgives him easily, and is elated at his secret- as she finally now realises she too can unburden herself, and tells Angel her secret of being raped by Alec and their child dying. Instead of forgiving Tess, like she did for him, Angel rejects Tess completely.

Angel turns his back on Tess, telling her he does not recognise the person in front of him, she is changed, different, to him. He decides to leave for Brazil, and asks another woman- who, by the way- is a very close friend of Tess- to go with him.
Abandoned by her husband and once again thrust into a life of despair, Tess moves to another farm. Tess is worked to the bone, heartbroken and on the verge of death from her severe poverty. Tess hears a preacher speak valiantly about morale’s and religion and all of that malarkey.
Just when you think things cannot possibly get any worse, they do.
Who should this man of God be, this preacher? Alec D’urberville, Tess’s rapist.

Alec assures Tess that he has changed, that he feels guilty about what he did and that he has converted now to Christianity and God. For a while, it almost seems like he means it, but seeing Tess again renews Alec’s fascination with her, and the obsession to possess her begins.

Alec stalks Tess mercilessly, tormenting her about her husband abandoning her, telling her that Angel is never coming back. Tess’s mother falls ill, her father dies, and the family is evicted from her home. She writes to Angel asking for help, but receives nothing. Alec promises to help her if she becomes his.

Meanwhile, Angel falls ill in Brazil. If I’m perfectly honest, I didn’t enjoy this part of the book because in my opinion, Angel is just as much of a villain as Alec is. Well, maybe not on the same level, but he’s still a spineless coward who pretends to be completely enlightened and forward-thinking yet still believes in backwards beliefs that women who have sex before marriage are evil and tainted. I skim over his part every time I read it, but the jist is that Angel comes to his senses and tries to find Tess.

Miraculously, in the days without maps or iPhone, Angel finds Tess, only to find that she is living with Alec D’Urberville. Tess finally gets some of her spirit back, blaming Angel for abandoning her, with no other choice but to accept becoming Alec’s. Tess tells Angel it is too late, she has become Alec’s and he has to leave.

Devastated, Angel leaves- again, not really proving himself to be a worthy husband, but the heart wants what the heart wants, and Tess realises she still loves him madly.

Going upstairs, Tess finds Alec and stabs him to death. She leaves to find Angel as Alec’s body is discovered by a landlady, and the police start searching for Tess.
Angel and Tess go on the run and get to Stonehenge when Tess has a nap on the stones- really odd, I know, but maybe murdering is tiring.

tess 2

The police catch up to them, Tess is arrested, and soon after, Tess is executed. The book ends with Angel and Tess’s sister watching and then walking off.

Character Analysis:

The contrast between Angel and Alec proves there is some similarity between them. Most people see Alec as the embodiment of evil, whereas Angel is the romantic hero. However, there are several dimensions to both characters.

Angel comes across as a fairly progressive, noble young man. He seems to represent Tess’s happy ending, though his rejection of her reveals him as a hypocrite, unable to see past his fathers evangelical beliefs of female sexuality.

Alec, however detestable, seems to have some kind of character progression. While I am in no way excusing his actions, he acknowledges the harm he has caused Tess and in his own way tries to make up for it by offering her a deal of providing for her and her family in return for sexual companionship, a relationship comparable to prostitution and/or marriage (at the time in which the novel was written.)
Alec takes on the role of husband when Angel abandons her. While Alec is undoubtedly an immoral character, it just goes to show Hardy’s complex characterisation; no man is wholly good or evil, but an amalgamation of both. It is this depth of character that make books more elaborate, more intricate than films. Instead of the tropes we receive in Hollywood films; the noble hero on a quest, the villain hell-bent on domination, we get a complex mishmash.

Final Thoughts:

Not a very happy book. In fact, possibly one of the most depressing books I have ever read, yet it’s amazing. The brilliance of the novel lies within its tragedy- not simply for emotional value, but to further a political agenda on the vindication of women.

Hardy creates a lovable character; Tess is naïve, innocent, kind, almost perfect. But he thrusts her into situations that ruin her spirit, break her, and create sympathy for her. This is integral as it shows to the audience at the time that ‘fallen women’ are not creatures to be shunned from society, but normal women who have been exposed to tragedy not of their own making.
I cannot say as to whether Hardy’s writing changed the minds of many 19th century people. What I do know is that writing this novel was a profound step in literature for shedding light upon archaic ideologies regarding female sexuality. Hardy recognised the importance of the human soul, the strength of someone’s character, and within his book, valued it over their history. For that alone the book should get a high rating. However the combination of the plot, the fantastic description of English countryside’s, the characterisation of the people in the books and great discussion of philosophy all together makes a fantastic read.

The juxtaposition of Tess’s innocence with Alec’s twisted villainy, Angel’s conflicted moral’s of right and wrong and Tess’s plight as a young woman show three very different characters as products of the social ideologies of the time. Their intertwined fates provide a interesting yet tragic journey in a narrative that proves itself one of the many must-read books of all time.

Rating:
I would rate the book an eight out of ten.
Explanation for the missing two points; firstly, I’ve mentioned that I hate depressing books. And this book ripped my heart to shreds. While that is what good literature does, I don’t think I could read this book again and again regularly because I think I’d lose all my faith in humanity.
Secondly, considering the book involves plotlines delving into noble lineage, rape, murder and great romance, in some places, the book is rather slow to read. Perhaps that is coming from my 21st century opinion, considering the action-packed films of today I’m accustomed to, but a little more dramatics to lift the book would be good. I would’ve liked a nice fight scene- maybe some kind of duel- between Alec and Angel, to replace some of the longer, more winding passages.

Then again, a Hardy novel without philosophical ramblings

and long descriptions of countryside would hardly be a Hardy novel.
Please read the book, or at least add it to your reading list, and come back! If you’ve read the book already, let me know what you thought of it below!

Advertisements

CHRISTMAS PRESENT LIST / IDEAS

Ah, Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year… and for some, the most stressful. If you’re one of those people frantically typing ‘What to get my sister/father/girlfriend’ for Christmas, this list of ideas will be good for you.

While being a personal Christmas shopper would be an ideal job, alas I’m limited to giving ideas online and for free. Obviously I can’t give an incredibly personal approach, but there are a ton of ideas that might inspire you.

For girls:

  • Clothing.
    You will need to have some knowledge of what fashion style the person you are buying for is, but there is a plethora of choices when it comes to clothing. DO they need more party dresses, or more pyjamas to lounge around in? Do they enjoy novelty, funny socks, or perhaps a racy lingerie set? The possibilities are endless!
  • Jewellery.
    Again, so many choices. Rings, necklaces, bracelets, fancy watches, headbands, earrings. Gold or silver. Subtle or bold. I love a big golden pair of hoops, whereas my sister prefers her Michael Kors watch, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen her wear earrings in her life.
  • Make-up.
    Starting with the basics, there’s foundation (which many not be too wise if you don’t know the exact shade she requires), powder, bronzer, highlighter, blusher, mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, lip-gloss, all in an abundance of shades. Do they like matte lipstick, or a shiny metallic? Perhaps she doesn’t even like make-up after all. You could even get some skincare stuff if she prefers au natural looks. There’s face oils, serums, lotions, scrubs, etcetera. Gift sets are always available and are usually the easier option, though if you’re looking for something specific Amazon, Boots or Superdrug are most likely to have it.
  • Bath goodies.
    Lush bath bombs are a staple of my Christmas presents. They smell amazing, they’re exciting, and I genuinely look forward to using them after a long day at work. I don’t buy them for myself really though, so they’re a treat when I receive them for Christmas or my birthday. Then there’s always scrubs, shower gels, bath salts, bubble bath, candles, waterproof speakers and even new bathrobes for all of your watery needs.
  • Hair items.
    If you’re pushing the boat out, maybe a new pair of straighteners or curling tongs if the women in your life care about their hair. There’s always serums, conditioners and masks for stocking fillers too.
  • Stationary.
    Notebooks, a nice fountain pen, post-it notes, folders, binders, multi-coloured pens and bullet journals. If the people in your life are organised (or need to be) or creative (and want to be), then cute little stationary items are perfect and a lovely way to get ready for the new year.
  • Winter Survival kits.
    Scarves, gloves, a nice new coat, a cute new hot water bottle, dressing gowns, a hot chocolate kit, scented candles, or a couple of boxes of chocolates, everything your gal needs to get cosy and warm this winter.
  • Alcohol.
    Besides from the obvious big bottle of alcohol, there are more presents nowadays to suit drinkers needs. There’s drinking games (such as cards against humanities and twister) board sets, there’s mixology sets and little luxuries to accompany your drinks. An example of this is edible glitter that makes glasses  of prosecco shimmer, or decorative ice cubes to spice up your drink.

 

And then there’s the list for guys.

  • No clue. Literally, what do guys want? Does anyone know? Everytime I wander around the men’s section in any shop, I feel like I’m in the desert. It’s so bland.
    Generally speaking, there’s some ideas I have for men, but really, no clue on this one.
  • X Box/ PlayStation games, controllers or gift cards.
  • Clothing: T-shirts, jeans… pants. I don’t know how you figure out what guy is more of a boxers or briefs kinda guy, but maybe get both just to be sure?
  • Alcohol. No matter what the gender, most people enjoy alcohol. Whether he likes whiskey, rum, or even cocktails, there’s plenty of choice.
  • Stocking fillers: Earphones, funny mugs, trainers or a new jacket, to be perfectly honest I’m running out of ideas. What do men want, exactly?

Perhaps not the most detailed Christmas present list ever, but I hope you get some inspiration from it after-all! Good luck & happy shopping!

Is social media ruining our friendships?

Social Media. Literally what it says on the tin, so to speak. Thanks to modern day technology, we can socialise with our friends and loved ones without being in the same room- or even the same country- as them.

When Facebook was firstly introduced into my life, it was all the rage. We used to post everything; pictures we thought were hilarious (but probably weren’t), what we were doing, what we were eating and who with. As we got older, we used Facebook to keep in touch with old friends that we didn’t meet up with. And while I do believe that Facebook is wonderful for reconnecting with people you haven’t seen with in years, or finding new friends, and seeing glimpses into their lives, it’s hardly sociable.

I have a love/hate relationship with social media. I am never without my phone, it’s clutched in my hand every day and night from when I wake up to when I fall asleep. Instead of the sun warming my face, it’s usually the glow of my lit up phone. I use Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, many different platforms.

Yet during the greatest peaks of my depression, I felt completely isolated, and alone. Instead of using my phone and this great technology to feel sociable, comforted by knowing that people were a simple text away, my phone made me feel worse. I’d scroll through Instagram and see pictures of girls nights out with groups of women dressed up and partying, or even pictures of couples nights in, and I didn’t feel comforted. Instead, I felt more alone, staring at a screen at other peoples lives, instead of living my own. Checking into other peoples lives felt like they were almost bragging about how great their lives were, and just made mine feel worse. Reminded me that I wasn’t out for a girls night, or for a cute brunch, or having a date night. No, I would be alone, probably in bed or on my break at work, wishing that I could trade places with the people in the pictures.

“When I was younger, we didn’t have all these smartphones and iphones. If I wanted to meet up with someone, I’d go round their house and ask them myself.” My dad would always say. He also said that texting is one of the reasons why so many tiffs and arguments with my friends happened. He thinks, rightly so, that it’s hard to construe tone and meaning within texting, and often these texts can be misunderstood and taken out of context. I honestly don’t believe you get the emotional nourishment (an odd statement, I know) from texting people as you get from seeing them face to face. Not to mention getting out of the house and doing something fun.

By obsessing over what we think our social lives should be, which is wholly dictated by what we see on social media, we take our friends for granted. In fact, not only do we take them for granted, we compare them to other people on Instagram. I often felt the sting of jealousy as I saw pictures of best friends in matching pyjamas, or going to concerts together, and thought about my own friends and my relationships with them which didn’t quite match up.

Instead of rose-tinted glasses, I had a rose-tinted screen, and it was warping and twisting my view of friendship. Of course people are going to put highlights of their lives on social media. Of course they are going to write ‘My bestest friend since day one, I love this girl! #soulsistas’ and maybe omit the fact that they had a massive argument on a night out after the picture was taken. People- well, most people- won’t post pictures of their teary faces after having a row with their boyfriend, or their lonely nights in.

And so, I decided that I wouldn’t let social media be a detriment to my mental health anymore. I would stop comparing my relationships to ones I saw online. Most importantly- I stopped being envious over what I didn’t have, and started being grateful for what I did have. I fell in love with my friends again, their little quirks and individualities, and what they brought to my life. Some of my friends are amazing to have long phone calls with, some to go out clubbing with, some for a nice meal. I stopped focusing on other people that I didn’t have in my life, and started focusing on who was. More importantly, I started actually socialising with them. instead of a few pictures and messages sent across weeks, I started meeting up with them, going out, having fun.

Social media is brilliant, and can be social. But it’s also deceiving. It can make you feel the complete opposite of its intention. Stop letting social media make you feel jealous, isolated, empty. When I use my phone now, I use it to arrange going out with my friends, and I can tell you, I’m happier for it.

So, what do you guys think? Is social media helpful, or harmful? Or like me, do you think it’s a mixture of both, dependent on how we use it? DO you believe in ‘everything in moderation’, and in this case, social media platforms? Let me know what you think.

REVIEW: CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND

A couple of months ago, I stumbled upon a show on Netflix called Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. I decided to give it a go, and boy, I’m glad I did. Rachel bloom performs as Rebecca Bunch, a career orientated woman depressed and despairing at her empty life, when she stumbles upon her ex boyfriend, Josh Chan. On an impulse and obsessive decision, she decides to move to West Covina (which just so happens to be where Josh lives) in an attempt to regain some happiness in her life, and so, an ingenious show was born.

I didn’t realise upon watching that it was a musically inclined show, and the first song that appeared I was not prepare for and may put some viewers off but I promise, stick with the show and you will be rewarded. It is new, innovative and incredibly refreshing, but above all, realistic when dealing with events in life. It removes the romanticism that Hollywood often prescribes to everyday life, and instead takes dark matters and deep themes such as depression, mental health and sexuality, and presents them in a wonderfully light hearted and comedic style. Rebecca is all of us: slightly crazy, obsessive, kooky, weird and, in other words: not perfect. She is such an accurate representation of the modern woman that I couldn’t stop laughing and empathising with her. Rebecca’s character is one of the best female characters I’ve come across in the last year or so because not only is she empowering, but she’s also so relatable. You know those days where you look like shit, haven’t washed or put makeup on, just dashed out of the house to maybe stock up on tampons and chocolate? Or where you try and play things cool, when really you’ve been obsessing over it endlessly and you just brush it off when it’s brought up? Well, Rebecca Bunch, as the ‘everyday woman’, does these things too. She’s like an average role model, the one who celebrates her quirkiness and imperfections.

Some of my personal favourite songs (on YouTube if you fancy watching)
– The Sexy Getting Ready song (an accurate documentation of the process girls go through getting ready, and absolutely hilarious)
I’m the villain (A Disneyfied anti-hero narrative that’s incredibly catchy)
Sex with a stranger (for anyone who’s had terrible experiences on tinder)
I gave you a UTI ( A hilarious jaunty song which includes genius lyrics such as ‘My sweet love Injection caused a urinary tract infection’ and ‘If it hurts to take a leak
That’s just part of my technique’)
Greg’s Drinking Song (an old fashioned, Irish folkish song performed by Greg (the fantastic Santino Fontano) coming to terms with his alcoholism, yet in the most light-hearted way. Includes lyrics about him puking on his cat, having sex with a bush, and trying to fly for a plane). One of my personal favourites.

The best thing about the show is, in my opinion, it’s music. Ingenious lyrics, really- it’s incredibly clever  puns and play on words (Getting-Bi is a good example of a man discovering his sexuality, and just getting by with it, for example). And each song is different and unique- there’ll be rock styles, pop music, R & B songs, Country songs, good old power ballards, all of them). And the attention to detail in the show is magnificent, in Season 2 they compiled a song made up of different songs from season one- imagine! One big song made of different songs?! It’s awesome. The hilarity of the show is matched only by the skill of the vocals from every cast member- while Rebecca is indeed the protagonist, we are treated to individual songs from different characters with their own struggles and styles.

I could go on describing all the songs, but this post is becoming increasingly too long already, so just go and watch the show yourself. The characters are absolutely hilarious, including Greg, a sarcastic, alcoholic bartender with a pessimistic attitude, feeling trapped in his own life, his drinking and his poor taste in women, Valencia, a ‘Humble yoga instructor/ Kate Hudson / Princess / Bitch’, Heather, an intellectual goth-emo-scary chick who just so happens to be ‘Miss Douche’, and countless others.

The main content of the series is beautifully simple; Rebecca, on a pursuit of happiness, which we can see is an uphill struggle with lots of laughs on the way. Season two follows this idea, with Rebecca hanging onto the belief that if she ends up with Josh, she’ll finally be happy. (Spoiler for S2 in the next sentence)

The amazing finale shows a final epiphany for Rebecca as she is left at the altar, all her dreams crushed as she comes to the realisation happiness will not be found in Josh Chan, or the other men in her life that have left her (we see an amazing parallel of daddy issues shown between Rebecca and her new hot boss, Nathaniel)
By the grace of God, Season 3 has been confirmed and so I will eagerly await its release. The show delves into all kinds of issues: from having crushes on people, to making friends, meeting the parents, fucking everything up, being stuck in a love triangle, the hardships and weirdness of being a dad, the importance of female empowerment and feminism, homosexuality, racism- you name it, it’s got it. It’s and if nothing I’ve said has persuaded you to watch the show, check out some of the songs on Netflix or youtube at least, it’s worth listening to.

What’s the deal with Fifty Shades of Grey?

I vaguely remember the storm around E. L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey when it came out. I remember gathering around a copy with my friends, trying to find the rude sections, and giggling as we read it out. I remember seeing pictures of women brazenly reading it on trains for the world to see, and being fairly impressed at this unapologetic display of an erotic book on their way home from Charing Cross on a Tuesday night. I am in Great Britain, after all, and even though we are known for our prudishness, we are not one to ban stuff.
With the arrival of trailers of the second film, Fifty Shades Darker, I decided to get off my high horse, and watch it. Now, I know it was originally written as a fanfiction from Stephanie Meyers Twilight series, hence the reason why I avoided the film like the plague. Like many others, I assumed it was directed at middle aged suburban women, thrill-seeking and trembling in their cinema seats. But alas, I watched it. And like, what’s the deal with it?

The plot was very simple, very dull, and I kept waiting for something dramatic and exciting to happen. But no. It’s was just a series of meetings between Ana and Christian as they bonded (and later, bondaged… ignore that. I’ll work on the puns later). I did wonder how they were going to direct a film all about explicit sex (from what I gather, I haven’t actually read the book so lack the means to compare) but it was done very tastefully, and the sex scenes weren’t half bad.

Now, I don’t know if I’m being a feminazi here, or whether the film genuinely displayed an almost abusive relationship. Christian draws up a contract for Anastasia, in which she, as a submissive sexual partner, can’t drink alcohol, can only eating food from a specific list, and specifically says she must do anything sexual he asks for ‘without argument’, because nothing says sexy like the underlying threat of rape.

Now, if a guy tried to tell me I couldn’t drink, or I wasn’t allowed that second slice of pizza, he’d be out the door before you could say dildo.
Ana, like any self-respecting woman, doesn’t sign the contract, and eventually gets on with her life, until Christian, displaying EXTREMELY possessive, obsessive tendencies, hounds her via text, getting genuinely pissed off that she’s taking her time considering signing her soul and dignity away. Eventually, instead of giving her the breathing time that she needs, he decides to stalk her, enter her apartment without asking, and has sex with her. Talk about seduction. Already at this point warning bells are going off in my mind. lets face it, girls love a bad boy. Sometimes, it’s cute when he gets jealous. But this goes so far beyond that.
Christian goes so far beyond cute to stalker-psycho, more like Patrick Bateman than Patrick Swayze. He tears her away from her graduation with her father, tells her she cannot go to see her mother and then when she does, turns up and -oh you guessed it- drags her away from special time with her mother. The guy doesn’t have boundaries. He takes over her life completely, and its not sexy, its not cute, its borderline abusive.

But the real cruncher here, is that Christian, whilst displaying a psychotic sort of cold affection towards Ana, states there would be no romantic relationship, only a sexual one. Ana can not touch him, or sometimes look him in the eye. And whilst all the women watching this film look with goggle eyes at Jamie Dornan (Christian), they fail to acknowledge this insult. This guy is the epitome of what we now say ‘fuckboy’. He is not interested in dating her, being nice to her, getting to know her, only using her for his own pleasure. And women find this… sexy? If a boy texted one of my friends saying he wasn’t interested in her for her sunny personality, only her vagina, we’d both laugh and cast him off with all the other fuckboys. But I guess it’s different if it’s a sadistic famous millionaire (A GREAT message for young girls, by the way).

Christian gives Ana a new laptop, expensive books, and even a car (though it’s crucial to point out that without asking her, he got one of his henchmen to sell her old one. See why I have a problem with this?)So basically, it’s a sugar-daddy/ escort situation, but it’s okay because he’s hot.
The main redeeming factor is Anastasia finally leaves Christian, and it seems apparent that she is standing up for herself, not allowing him to hurt her, buy her or own her- a point that now seems redundant considering there’s a second film- but we’ll get to that later.

Now maybe I am reading to much into it. And whilst I don’t want to come off too feminist-lefty-liberal, I honestly do see some worrying displays of abuse in the film. I get the whole dominant-submissive sexual thing, but when it surpasses the bedroom, and takes over the couples life, surely that becomes a problem? If Christian wants to dominant Ana in the bedroom, and she consents, then its all fun and games. But it goes past this, to him controlling what she eats, what she drinks, her friends, when she sees her family, what car she drives, where she lives. So what do you guys think? Is it a disgusting portrayal of an abusive relationship, condoning dominance in young couples? (It’s key to remember this that some young audiences, will watch this and think this is how functional relationships work because majority of teenage audiences are young, dumb, and full of cum.)
Or is it a harmless film that plays around with sexual stereotypes? What do you guys think? Even if you haven’t watched it and have stuck this far, what reading do you get from it? I’d be fascinated to know what others think of this film, as it seems weird for me to bring it up to my friends after years of it being released (and I’m almost ashamed to admit watching it). Let me know what you guys think. Peace Out.

Revenge is… Happiness?

The best form of revenge is to be happy. Truly. The burning rage people feel when they are hurt by someone, only hurts themselves. We torment ourselves, replaying the same thing over and over again, the hurtful words or actions that someone has caused us.
So I began to think, how can I turn this anger, this hurt, into something productive? People say that every cloud has a silver lining, and this is true.  So when you are upset, hurt or angry, instead of festering over it, hurting yourself, turn it into something that will make you happy.

I was in the library, studying for finals when I had an argument with my ex boyfriend. When the phone call ended, I couldn’t even concentrate on my work because I was so fixated on everything he said. I lost out on some valuable hours of education because of this boy, and so I began to use this to my advantage. Whenever I thought about him, and I couldn’t concentrate on my work, I began to clean my room. For some reason, whenever I have a clean room, I have a clean mind. And then I would organise my notes, printing helpful articles for my work, making schedules that would help me with my studies. And eventually, whenever I had a negative thought, I would automatically start working. one bad thought would make me do hours of work to help my education, instead of lying in bed chain-watching some Netflix programme. And so easily, instead of being angry over my ex boyfriend and focusing on every stupid argument, I used it to further my education, not wasting my time thinking over it.

Next, if I had an argument with someone, and I was focusing on what I didn’t say,  what I should’ve said, or if I didn’t do something, I would start exercising. And the pattern continued- instead of getting upset over petty arguments, I began to work out, doing press ups and sit ups, going for a jog. Not only would this clear my mind, and help me think straight, but soon I began to get healthier, and stronger. Just like that, I managed to turn all of my bad feelings, all the negativity, into something positive for me and my body.

Its not a tried and tested form of counselling, I know. And maybe it won’t work for everyone. But for me, it feels amazing that I can make something good out of every negative feeling, everything bad that happens. And the next time something bad happens, I won’t get too upset, or angry, because I know I can use it for my benefit, to be happier.

 

Everyone is not as happy as they look.

Setting off to university in my parents car crammed with all of my stuff, I was excited to begin a new chapter of my life. I was finally going to be living with a group of people my own age, and I imagined it as some kind of 90’s chick flick, where we’d sit on the sofa eating popcorn and watching corny films, or cry over a tub of ice cream about boys, wearing face masks and having sing-alongs. And it wasn’t like that, it wasn’t like living with my best friends. While my first year was filled with a lot of fun, I didn’t get on with some of the girls in my flat. They all did the same subject, I didn’t. I had my boyfriend over a lot of the time, and I was working and concentrating on making friends on my course. And so, what begin as enthusiastic friendship turned into me feeling isolated and alone. Now, I had a lot of friends both at home and at uni, so it didn’t phase me that much, and it dawned on me that there wasn’t anything wrong with me, the girls were just in a clique, didn’t have any friends themselves so stuck together like a boring pack of hyenas. I was naive, but eventually came to realise that life is not like a film. in fact, films glorify and romantisise everything about life, giving us false expectations of what life should be like.

And so, when Christmas came around, I was in the pub with some old friends, and I ended up telling one how I didn’t feel it was fair that everyone had great housemates and flatmates, while mine were shit. I told him how I’d go on facebook and instagram, and see all the cute photos – “house meal with the gang!” or “flat girls night out!” and get jealous. And then he told me that a) I was being dumb, and b) that everyone pretends to be happier than they actually are. He told me that people aren’t going to put on facebook when they’d argue or felt isolated with their flatmates, or when they felt ugly. They weren’t going to show instagram their breakdowns and tantrums, but instead, put happy photos on to make themselves feel better, even though it was a lie. Instagram pages, full of little photos just show the highlights of everyday life. They’d show pictures of the best parts of their life- and none of the bad. And this ‘best of’ feature means we obsess over other peoples couple pictures and feel crappy about our own relationships, see their ‘Squad goals’ pictures and doubt our own friendships. See their gorgeous selfies and feel baad about how we look when we don’t have makeup on or our hair done. It feeds into the competition of ‘whos-got-the-best-life’, a page where even though your life isn’t perfect- far from it- in a series of pictures, it appears to be.

And it’s true, we compare our lives with what we see on film, or on our friends social media, but we don’t know the whole story. As the phrase goes; you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. And it made me feel better. Our whole lives, we are told and trained to search for the ‘elusive butterfly of happiness’- a term I’d recently discovered. I’d have moments where I didn’t really know how to be happy, or even if I could be. It seemed that the few shining moments of happiness I had were merged in a sea of feeling shit, upset, angry or just numb. So I almost take comfort in knowing that sometimes, especially on social media, people are not as happy as they seem. Now, I never feel bad about my own life from seeing other people online. I recently spoke to an old friend, at a different uni, and looked like she was having the time of her life, going out all the time, new friends, new boyfriend. It was only when I spoke to her on the phone she told me she was quite heavily depressed and miserable. There is a song called ‘Wear Sunscreen’ by Baz Luhrman that gives advice on life, and to be honest it is one of the most accurate things I have ever heard, and never fails to make me feel better. One bit that always sticks out to me is when he says “Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind.The race is long and in the end, it’s only with yourself.”

We spend so much time comparing our lives to what we see from other peoples when it doesn’t matter, at all. At the end of the day, you are the protagonist of your life, and your life is controlled by you only- your decisions, mistakes, choices. It is your life that matters, not what you see of someone elses. You never know what that person truly feels or who they are from an instagram page, and it doesn’t matter anyway, because it has no relevance to your life. So, the main thing I try to keep in my mind now is to focus on how I, myself, can make my life happy, not to compare it to other peoples, and most importantly, understand that there are going to be rough times ahead, bad periods- maybe years even, when you’re not okay. But you’re not alone in this, something easily forgettable. Life is hard, for everyone, but you need to focus on yours, and making it as happy as it can be.

Anyway, late night ramblings over. Peace out. xoxo